To draw with claws what the hands can’t
I can’t draw.
If I could, I’d draw something here to illustrate what it feels like to me to be an actress.
but I don’t know how to draw, to create an image that synthesizes it.
I can only draw with gestures, with words, with trajectories
if drawing is about light and shadow then what is theater about?
about light and shadow
about what you see and what you don’t see
to be still or to move
about drawing in space, even if it is a point, motionless, that moves inside and no one sees
over time I have discovered the dimension of the energy investment that is demanded of an actress to walk from one point to another with absolute awareness of each and every part of the journey in the present moment ... I’ve failed most of the times, if not all
It’s in the search, it’s in the search that the magic is it’s in the path in the process in the journey not in the arrival I say and I repeat to myself wanting to accept that the result is a consequence and nothing else and how to make the process present and how to embrace the whole path and repeat every day its magic part all of it part of it as much as a breath of fullness a single spark of what awakened all this and yet still grasp each and every day the same creative impetus and make it present again at each moment renew it signify it play with it manipulate it as if it was all mine and as if I knew what to do with it every day as if I knew the beginning as if I knew the end as if fear could be handled as if from the anguish calm and delight could be extracted as if from the uncertainty courage could arise as if in fact the body was the answer to everything there is as if everyone there wanted to hear could hear as if everyone here wanted to hear could hear as if I wanted to hear I could hear
my ears are capped for almost a year now.
not really capped, but there is a constant buzz, which I realize when I lie down to sleep, when the sounds no longer take care of distracting me from the constant buzz. It is true that all day it is buzzing, but I do not listen. I do not listen to what goes on inside my own ears. What don’t I want to hear, cannot hear
It's about listening, theater
It is a nonviolent revolt
Eugenio Barba told me in a recent artistic residency that I did with him and Julia Varley, this huge actress
one of those encounters that change something, I don’t know what exactly, but something has changed
I do not believe in violence and yet it is not enough to keep me from being aggressive ... sometimes
I do not believe in speeches and yet it is not enough to keep me from putting into words what cannot be drawn
how to explain a tiger if not with its image?
And there are those who can’t see
How to touch a tiger without doping it?
About what? About what do I want to speak?
Do I want to speak?
Can I speak?
A process is about having questions and I'm full of them. In every way full of them
Women write from a personal perspective told me Julia Varley, and so what we write is not received with the same seriousness, our texts don’t have that so-called universal quality that men’s texts have, since they are men and thus represent the universality of the human being, which is, in the penultimate instance, "the man". Penultimate because ultimately ...
Being an actress is not being an actor.
Being an actress is being chaos