“Afixed” - Ruby Brunton

I am attracted to both men who are bad for me and debilitating depression. I believed so much in great romance, signs, “the one”, that it led me right into the arms of men who would destroy my life. Four months ago I left a man who was very bad for me. Not only was he bad for me, but he is bad for himself. I wake up most mornings around 4am in a cold sweat, worrying about how I can save him. Worrying about how I can save his future girlfriends. I could never have left this man without therapy and yet before I met him I was too stubborn to even Google search “therapy in New York”. This man who was bad for me had a secret tool - a cheap therapy option in New York for low income earners. He believed me beginning therapy would soon show that the problems in our relationship were all my fault. Instead, after three sessions, I left him. In the greater scheme of things, there is no “him”, he is an archetype… he is My Type… I have dated him time and again. Men who seemed troubled, men in need of rescue, men who could use my help - men who were at the point in their lives where my father was when my mother “saved” him. Now I think I prefer to save women like her from the pain that comes from an unhealthy attachment to another human. This is what I want to focus on, creating work that explores how smart, independent women can end up in abusive relationships. I cannot save these women, and I will kill myself trying. I made this work “Afixed” in the months following my recent break up. I have performed the texts before but with my new found clarity they have taken on new life.